After working with children for about 7 years, I am convinced their behavior gets worse and worse. Notice I said behavior. With kids it's important to realize the behavior is what is undesirable, not the child. I will say I have encountered some children that you can't help but wonder about, but that's another story.
I spent the day with 4 gorgeous girls that I have kept for about 5 years. Each one of them have dynamic personalities, and are a joy to be around. One of the little girls, whom I'll call Chatty Kathy, seems to have bipolar when it comes to me. Actually it's not me, and she's not really bipolar, but I find it humorous to refer to it that way. Chatty Kathy is a gorgeous 5 year-old, and has been a thorn in my side for about...oh I don't know, 5 years! You just never really know if she's going to come up and hug you, or knock you upside the head. There are 2 things I have learned that bring about the latter personality quirk...not getting her way, and her mother being around. This isn't an entirely new phenomen. A lot of children grow horns when being denied, and some even turn into brats when in their parent's presence. Interesting!
The short story of today is, Chatty Kathy is straight up rude and defiant! I turned my back for a minute and she was back in the pool I had just gotten her out of. She later told me she wasn't listening to me, because "I wasn't bossing her!" She told me no repeatedly, and even hid from me. She also smacked one of the other girls. Needless to say, it was a long day. What do you think her mother said to all this...the same thing she said over a year ago when I vowed never to watch them again after Chatty Kathy bit me, and left a perfect outline of her teeth in my leg...she LAUGHED! Hmmm...and we wonder why the child behaves this way!
On my way home, as I considered driving into Barren River, I began to get really mad at this situation. Here I am, 2 days into the summer with these girls, and I want to scream. What. Have. I. Done?
After cooling down I began to ponder on the decline of our youth. If you think logically, you realize that children aren't being born any differently than they were 20 years ago. They still get conceived the same way (sort of), and they're still born the same way. What's changed? PARENTS! Or should I say, the lack of. I don't want to hear anyone griping because I don't have children, and I don't know what it's like. First of all, I have taken care of kids for a long time, and in many settings. I know it's hard! Second, I have taken my parenting classes for my degree as a Marriage and Family Therapist which gives me the authority to tell you when you are being a bad parent! So if you're offended, ask yourself why! (I'm sorry, as you must know by now, my patience is GONE!)
Where have our parents gone? Good question...if you find them, please send them back! While you're looking, I'm going to head to bed and prepare myself for (gulp) tomorrow. I'll write more about the loss of our parents next time.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Sound advice...
http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/relationships/24191/dating-101-seven-things-no-one-tells-you-about-marriage
This is a really good article with practical advice about marriage and relationships. I think this is one of the most important points...relationships are tested more on a daily basis than in a crisis. It is very easy when you are in a long-term relationship to get bored, and start to have doubts, or even feel unhappy. This is especially true when you're just going day-to-day in your normal activities. One of my professors used this example...when you first get a new car, you are so excited. You get it washed once a week, won't let anyone eat in it, and park in the back of a parking lot just to keep it safe. The longer you have it the more you start to let these things go. Soon enough you're collecting trash in the back seat, waiting for the next rain shower to wash the bird poop off, and saying, oh well when get a little scrape. It is the exact same way in a relationship. At first you are so excited and giddy. You want to see the other person all the time, you try and look your best, and think about ways to make them happy. As the new-ness wears off you start to feel bored, and look for ways to cure this boredom. This is usually when people start looking for someone else, and start the cycle all over again. It's easy to like a new person, because they are NEW! Anything is exciting when it's new. The hardest part of a relationship is keeping the momentum and dealing with the lulls. They are inevitable. Anyone who says they don't experience them are either lying, or just deal with it very well. No one said relationships were easy. If they were, no one would ever break up. They take work just like anything else. If you don't want to put forth the effort, you're never going to be happy. Trust me, it's worth it to find something that's real. When you do, hold on like hell, because it may never come around again. (Which is a topic for another blog.) So, have realistic expectations about the ups and downs of relationships, and be ready to work...you'll be glad you did in the end!
This is a really good article with practical advice about marriage and relationships. I think this is one of the most important points...relationships are tested more on a daily basis than in a crisis. It is very easy when you are in a long-term relationship to get bored, and start to have doubts, or even feel unhappy. This is especially true when you're just going day-to-day in your normal activities. One of my professors used this example...when you first get a new car, you are so excited. You get it washed once a week, won't let anyone eat in it, and park in the back of a parking lot just to keep it safe. The longer you have it the more you start to let these things go. Soon enough you're collecting trash in the back seat, waiting for the next rain shower to wash the bird poop off, and saying, oh well when get a little scrape. It is the exact same way in a relationship. At first you are so excited and giddy. You want to see the other person all the time, you try and look your best, and think about ways to make them happy. As the new-ness wears off you start to feel bored, and look for ways to cure this boredom. This is usually when people start looking for someone else, and start the cycle all over again. It's easy to like a new person, because they are NEW! Anything is exciting when it's new. The hardest part of a relationship is keeping the momentum and dealing with the lulls. They are inevitable. Anyone who says they don't experience them are either lying, or just deal with it very well. No one said relationships were easy. If they were, no one would ever break up. They take work just like anything else. If you don't want to put forth the effort, you're never going to be happy. Trust me, it's worth it to find something that's real. When you do, hold on like hell, because it may never come around again. (Which is a topic for another blog.) So, have realistic expectations about the ups and downs of relationships, and be ready to work...you'll be glad you did in the end!
Insightful Quotes
"The most wonderful of all things in life is the discovery of another human being with whom one's relationship has a growing depth, beauty and joy as the years increase. This inner progressiveness of love between two human beings is a most marvelous thing; it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it. It is a sort of divine accident, and the most wonderful of all things in life." ~ Sir Hugh Walpole
"Intimacy is being seen and known as the person you truly are." ~Amy Bloom
"Though we may think we know each other well, when we neglect feelings in a relationship, we neglect the deepest and most intimate part of ourselves...sharing feelings leads us to great closeness because feelings are very personal, the most intimate part of us. The sharing of a deep feeling is the greatest gift a human being can give to another." ~Fr. Chuck Gallagher
"Intimacy is being seen and known as the person you truly are." ~Amy Bloom
"Though we may think we know each other well, when we neglect feelings in a relationship, we neglect the deepest and most intimate part of ourselves...sharing feelings leads us to great closeness because feelings are very personal, the most intimate part of us. The sharing of a deep feeling is the greatest gift a human being can give to another." ~Fr. Chuck Gallagher
Monday, March 23, 2009
What makes us act this way?
A hard lesson I am still wrapping my head around...we are who we choose to be, not what our experiences or heredity have made us.
Current psychology says our personalities develop from our genetics and environment. In fact, this is what I learned in my human development class. I'm on board with this 100%. What else is there to explain our individual personalities? Apparently, the other explanation is we choose to have certain personality quirks.
At first I huffed and puffed and said...this is crap...I'm not telling my clients this. The basic principle is we have the ability to control what we think; therefore, we have the ability to control what we feel. I was flabbergasted. Control what we feel???? People really choose to be sad?
The first thing I learned was not to take it too literal. The second thing I learned is, it's true!! We are in complete control of our thoughts, feelings, and personalities. The third thing I learned is, it's not easy to practice this control. The fourth thing I learned is, if you can work and work and work until you figure out how to take charge of these three things, you will be a MUCH happier person.
Let me backtrack on the issue of genetics and environment. These two factors do make up our personality, but only to the extent that we let them. I hate to hear people say things like...everyone in my family is depressed, so I can't help it, or I had a rough childhood, so I'm damaged. If you are thinking those things, you have defeated yourself already. Those issues are only holding you down because you are letting them. I'm by no means saying it's a piece of cake to just let them go, trust me, I have issues of my own, so I'm preaching to myself as well.
Now, let me stop and say, there are people with true mental illnesses, I'm not talking about them in regards to this. Also, it's not difficult to get a depression or anxiety diagnosis from your doctor. Everyone experiences these symptoms throughout their life. It doesn't mean you have either one of those conditions.
Anyway...what do you think about being in control of your thoughts and feelings?
Here's an example of how this works...there's a woman who feels worthless after having a string of unsuccessful relationships. Why does she feel worthless? Her thinking is...she is basing her worth on having a successful relationship with a man. She is allowing HIM to validate her. By continuing to think in this unhealthy way, and not finding worth in the person she is, she is allowing herself to feel worthless. Can she change the way she thinks, therefore changing the way she feels?
Current psychology says our personalities develop from our genetics and environment. In fact, this is what I learned in my human development class. I'm on board with this 100%. What else is there to explain our individual personalities? Apparently, the other explanation is we choose to have certain personality quirks.
At first I huffed and puffed and said...this is crap...I'm not telling my clients this. The basic principle is we have the ability to control what we think; therefore, we have the ability to control what we feel. I was flabbergasted. Control what we feel???? People really choose to be sad?
The first thing I learned was not to take it too literal. The second thing I learned is, it's true!! We are in complete control of our thoughts, feelings, and personalities. The third thing I learned is, it's not easy to practice this control. The fourth thing I learned is, if you can work and work and work until you figure out how to take charge of these three things, you will be a MUCH happier person.
Let me backtrack on the issue of genetics and environment. These two factors do make up our personality, but only to the extent that we let them. I hate to hear people say things like...everyone in my family is depressed, so I can't help it, or I had a rough childhood, so I'm damaged. If you are thinking those things, you have defeated yourself already. Those issues are only holding you down because you are letting them. I'm by no means saying it's a piece of cake to just let them go, trust me, I have issues of my own, so I'm preaching to myself as well.
Now, let me stop and say, there are people with true mental illnesses, I'm not talking about them in regards to this. Also, it's not difficult to get a depression or anxiety diagnosis from your doctor. Everyone experiences these symptoms throughout their life. It doesn't mean you have either one of those conditions.
Anyway...what do you think about being in control of your thoughts and feelings?
Here's an example of how this works...there's a woman who feels worthless after having a string of unsuccessful relationships. Why does she feel worthless? Her thinking is...she is basing her worth on having a successful relationship with a man. She is allowing HIM to validate her. By continuing to think in this unhealthy way, and not finding worth in the person she is, she is allowing herself to feel worthless. Can she change the way she thinks, therefore changing the way she feels?
**Welcome**
To understand my blog you must understand these things about me...
1. I am working on my Master's in Marriage and Family Therapy. Upon completion I will be a licensed marriage and family therapist and licensed professional clinical counselor. I will be able to provide therapeutic services to individuals, groups, couples, families, and children on a wide variety of topics including marriage counseling, sex therapy, substance abuse, crisis intervention, career counseling, etc.
2. This is the reason for the creation of this blog. My eyes are being opened, and my mind is being challenged in each and every class I take. Needless to say, there are many thoughts floating around up there. I needed a place to reel everything in, and I wanted to share the truly invaluable information coming to me. I also wanted to here what everyone else has to say. So, here we are.
3. You might see a trend in my blogs. My fascination in this process is with relationships, and I'm not just referring to the romantic ones. Relationships are essential to human existence, and they are also the number one reason people seek therapy. My biggest discover thus far is how warped we as a society view relationships, and how unrealistic we are in our expectations. You'll get this as I start to actually blog. Basically, I need a place to voice my thoughts on this learning process, and I also want feedback from those on the outside of the counseling profession. I'm hoping this will help me to be a better therapist, so humor me! :)
4. Ignore my grammar. One thing I have learned through the years is I get stuck trying to make sure each sentence is perfectly grammatically correct, and it hinders the writing process. I'm going to try and ignore my OCD tendencies and just let the words flow. Be prepared for run-on sentences and comma splices!
5. Nothing I say will be directed at anyone, and will not be designed to piss you off. If something perturbs, stop and ask yourself why. If you don't know, ask me!
Here goes...
1. I am working on my Master's in Marriage and Family Therapy. Upon completion I will be a licensed marriage and family therapist and licensed professional clinical counselor. I will be able to provide therapeutic services to individuals, groups, couples, families, and children on a wide variety of topics including marriage counseling, sex therapy, substance abuse, crisis intervention, career counseling, etc.
2. This is the reason for the creation of this blog. My eyes are being opened, and my mind is being challenged in each and every class I take. Needless to say, there are many thoughts floating around up there. I needed a place to reel everything in, and I wanted to share the truly invaluable information coming to me. I also wanted to here what everyone else has to say. So, here we are.
3. You might see a trend in my blogs. My fascination in this process is with relationships, and I'm not just referring to the romantic ones. Relationships are essential to human existence, and they are also the number one reason people seek therapy. My biggest discover thus far is how warped we as a society view relationships, and how unrealistic we are in our expectations. You'll get this as I start to actually blog. Basically, I need a place to voice my thoughts on this learning process, and I also want feedback from those on the outside of the counseling profession. I'm hoping this will help me to be a better therapist, so humor me! :)
4. Ignore my grammar. One thing I have learned through the years is I get stuck trying to make sure each sentence is perfectly grammatically correct, and it hinders the writing process. I'm going to try and ignore my OCD tendencies and just let the words flow. Be prepared for run-on sentences and comma splices!
5. Nothing I say will be directed at anyone, and will not be designed to piss you off. If something perturbs, stop and ask yourself why. If you don't know, ask me!
Here goes...
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