What makes us act this way?

A hard lesson I am still wrapping my head around...we are who we choose to be, not what our experiences or heredity have made us.

Current psychology says our personalities develop from our genetics and environment. In fact, this is what I learned in my human development class. I'm on board with this 100%. What else is there to explain our individual personalities? Apparently, the other explanation is we choose to have certain personality quirks.

At first I huffed and puffed and said...this is crap...I'm not telling my clients this. The basic principle is we have the ability to control what we think; therefore, we have the ability to control what we feel. I was flabbergasted. Control what we feel???? People really choose to be sad?

The first thing I learned was not to take it too literal. The second thing I learned is, it's true!! We are in complete control of our thoughts, feelings, and personalities. The third thing I learned is, it's not easy to practice this control. The fourth thing I learned is, if you can work and work and work until you figure out how to take charge of these three things, you will be a MUCH happier person.

Let me backtrack on the issue of genetics and environment. These two factors do make up our personality, but only to the extent that we let them. I hate to hear people say things like...everyone in my family is depressed, so I can't help it, or I had a rough childhood, so I'm damaged. If you are thinking those things, you have defeated yourself already. Those issues are only holding you down because you are letting them. I'm by no means saying it's a piece of cake to just let them go, trust me, I have issues of my own, so I'm preaching to myself as well.

Now, let me stop and say, there are people with true mental illnesses, I'm not talking about them in regards to this. Also, it's not difficult to get a depression or anxiety diagnosis from your doctor. Everyone experiences these symptoms throughout their life. It doesn't mean you have either one of those conditions.

Anyway...what do you think about being in control of your thoughts and feelings?

Here's an example of how this works...there's a woman who feels worthless after having a string of unsuccessful relationships. Why does she feel worthless? Her thinking is...she is basing her worth on having a successful relationship with a man. She is allowing HIM to validate her. By continuing to think in this unhealthy way, and not finding worth in the person she is, she is allowing herself to feel worthless. Can she change the way she thinks, therefore changing the way she feels?